I have fallen into a slump. I had attempted to write at least once a week but it has proven to be difficult. I blame time. I seem to not be able to find adequate time to sit down and collect my thoughts. For starters my oldest has given up on a nap. So long two hours of peace and quiet. Toot-a-loo sanity. It has been quite the adjustment. These hours were my ability to catch up on some much needed “me” time. To catch up on my shows, to finish cleaning without two children at my feet, to read a book. Whatever I wanted to do it was possible because of nap time. By noon I was itching for it to be nap time. If they were in bed a minute after, sheer panic would set in. Thoughts of yelling at my children that they were ruining “me” time would then begin to creep into my mind. (Do not worry I never did). But now I struggle to get one to fall asleep without the other in the room. It has proven to be an adventure. But I have come to terms with the fact that my children will continue to grow and invade more of “me” time in the future.
I also feel as though juggling motherhood, housewife, and Kristen is a battle of three separate individuals in one body. How do I balance? How can I be all three together but at the same time all separate? Being a mom and a wife are my top priority. I often put myself on the back burner because I just find enough time to do everything that a mom and wife require me to be. Then when I do actually have a moment for myself I am so exhausted that I cannot find the energy to do anything productive. The last thing on my mind at 9 pm is writing down deep and meaningful thoughts.
I also blame the weather. I am so absolutely and positively sick of winter. It has been so bitterly cold that even adventures outside seem pointless. We have went out three times this winter. Three times in 4 1/2 months. I am done! Winter is definitely sucking me dry of all my intellect. I do not feel like writing. I do not feel like collecting my thoughts. Cause I will then be writing dark, dark things that may put me first in line to the psych ward. I want to open up my windows, start my garden, go in my pool. This summer better not disappoint me.
So my goal is to fight these things that make me falter. To not give in so easily. I have the ability and the right to take time for myself. So I will continue on this journey with writing about my life and how it makes me delightfully insane!!